


the heaviness of a name called ben

by yodalorian



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, i want my favorite boys to interact, i'm emo over ben solo again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23145004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yodalorian/pseuds/yodalorian
Summary: Ben Solo has been strangled under the weight of legacy his whole life. He is heir to Skywalker and Solo and Vader. His first name is trapped somewhere in that mess too.
Relationships: Leia Organa & Ben Solo, Luke Skywalker & Ben Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ben Solo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	the heaviness of a name called ben

"Momma?" Ben nestled deeper into Leia's lap. "Where does my name come from?"

Leia stroked his dark hair. "It was Uncle Luke's idea, mostly. There was a man we knew named Ben, a long time ago." It had only been about ten years, but it felt like a lifetime to Leia. She remembered the only glimpse of Ben Kenobi she really got, his blade sizzling bright blue in his hands, swung courageously against the menacing Vader. He seemed like a frail old man, but there had been an energy in his limbs, the way he stood, back straight, facing a darkness everyone cowered before. And then the way he simply vanished, like a dream that could never truly die.

"Was he a good man?"

"Oh, yes."

"Was he brave?"

"Yes. But more importantly, wise." After the war, Luke fixed the history of the Jedi that Palpatine had trampled into the mud. He showed her holos of Kenobi in the old days, slashing down battle droids tirelessly, flying with their father into battle. But Leia liked the history that had been written, not recorded. She read the treaties that Obi-Wan had negotiated and the peace he had created, even in the midst of war. He was in the business of saving lives, not glorifying his own.

"I hope I'll be like him."

Leia looked into Ben's brown eyes. "You will." Ben Kenobi had launched Luke, Leia, and Han onto their colliding destinies, sending them off to change the galaxy. Now Leia had a feeling, the Force tugging at her heart, that their journeys, somehow, would end with Ben Solo. 

* * *

Ben fumbled with his lightsaber again, dropping it into the dirt. He lost his mental grip on the rock. He couldn't run fast enough or jump fast enough.

The sun was setting, and Luke's frustration was growing. Ben didn't need the Force to tell him that. As he kept trying (and failing), his face growing red, he heard Luke's muttering.

"If only Ben were here. If only..."

But Ben Kenobi wasn't there. Ben Kenobi, perfect Jedi Master who flawlessly followed the Jedi Code. Ben Kenobi, who could stop armies with his lightsaber or his words, who had saved countless worlds. The other Ben Kenobi wasn't here either. The endlessly patient teacher, the wise old hermit, who knew exactly what to say to instantly make the Force do what he wanted.

It was just Luke and Ben Solo. And Ben Solo was feeling like neither of them could be Ben Kenobi.

* * *

Ben Solo stared out at the forest, wanting to enter it, but frozen where he stood. Somewhere among the trees was the Resistance base, where Rey was getting them prepared to welcome him whenever he felt ready. But he felt like he wouldn't be ready for another century.

"Something wrong?"

Ben turned. He had been visited by many Force ghosts since Exegol, especially his grandfather, mother, and uncle. But this visitor made his heart drop into his stomach.

"You're...you're Ben. The other Ben."

Kenobi smiled. "That's one way to describe me."

"I...I can't." Ben pointed out towards the trees. "I'll mess up everything again. I can't be like you. I can't be...perfect."

Kenobi laughed softly. "My boy, where did you get an idea like that? Ben was the name I took in the midst of my greatest failure. Obi-Wan wasn't perfect either. He loved too much and too little and lost all of it."

Kenobi placed his hand on Ben's shoulder, and Ben felt the warmth of the Living Force flood through him. "You can't be like me, and you shouldn't be. Don't let Ben be the name of a hermit wasting away in the desert. Make it your own, however you want."

"Thank you," Ben Solo whispered. And he stepped out of the ship and into the forest, not like Ben Kenobi, but like himself.


End file.
